So, I've written about my fear of visibility. It's a subject I'll keep sharing about until it's no longer a problem. I noticed the other day that I resist all that is good coming my way be it a hug or a musical opportunity. I'm glad I've noticed this cause once I notice a pattern it's only because it's losing its grip and is fighting for survival.
I may have been an overwhelmed child and this explains alot now. The fear of confrontation, the hiding and biting. To finish a project and put it out there is confrontational. I have a lot of projects that are 90% done and in the last few laps I tend to lose interest in the race. But again, now that I can see it, it's only because the pattern is losing its steam. My Higher Power is taking care of me. I'm getting stuff done now, following through. I like it, my patterns hate it.
Screw those patterns! (I'm practicing not swearing! Need to give a lecture to kids soon!)
The other day I had a confrontation with a friend. I withdrew and got angry, felt small. Then I contradicted this bt getting help, took good care of myself. I went to Central Park and played guitar for the lovers and children walking by. At one point I just felt like nature itself. I knew this moment was the right moment to call a place I want to work. My patterns don't like me to try and change my life, but with this kind of peace, they didn't have a voice.
I may have a new job. I need to get a lecture idea together and present it tomorrow morning. That will get me in the door. By the fall I may be earning a lot more than I am now for doing service, using my talent as a musician. I haven't been this excited in a long time.
I'm practicing my hugs. If I can give a good hug, or better yet, if I can recieve a good hug, I can recieve anything! I'm practicing recieving. I love practicing!
I may have been an overwhelmed child and this explains alot now. The fear of confrontation, the hiding and biting. To finish a project and put it out there is confrontational. I have a lot of projects that are 90% done and in the last few laps I tend to lose interest in the race. But again, now that I can see it, it's only because the pattern is losing its steam. My Higher Power is taking care of me. I'm getting stuff done now, following through. I like it, my patterns hate it.
Screw those patterns! (I'm practicing not swearing! Need to give a lecture to kids soon!)
The other day I had a confrontation with a friend. I withdrew and got angry, felt small. Then I contradicted this bt getting help, took good care of myself. I went to Central Park and played guitar for the lovers and children walking by. At one point I just felt like nature itself. I knew this moment was the right moment to call a place I want to work. My patterns don't like me to try and change my life, but with this kind of peace, they didn't have a voice.
I may have a new job. I need to get a lecture idea together and present it tomorrow morning. That will get me in the door. By the fall I may be earning a lot more than I am now for doing service, using my talent as a musician. I haven't been this excited in a long time.
I'm practicing my hugs. If I can give a good hug, or better yet, if I can recieve a good hug, I can recieve anything! I'm practicing recieving. I love practicing!
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