Clutter. Oof. A sore subject for me. I lived in a house in Portland Oregon for 9 years and had my own shop for 5 years. I am a recovering Luddite. Luddites always seem to be a magnet for old broken stuff.
It took me 2 years to move out of that house and shop. Just the task of ridding myself of the stuff on Ebay, the Goodwill or throwing stuff away took that long. And most of it was little things but also for some reason I always had at least 5 tenor saxophones at a time as well.
When I moved from Portland it took me 2 days to pack my van.
When I moved from Los Angeles 9 months later it took me 2 1/2 hours to pack my van.
Clutter was my way of being right. I could sit in jealousy of my friends who had a few possessions and travelled while I was weighed down by my stuff. How messed up is that?
This week I may have let go of my last piece of clutter though I may sell my tube tester as well. Why the hell not? I won't be getting back into the amp fixing business ever again, why is this still around?
I'm pretty strict about it these days. What I have is what I actually use. If it sits around for a 6 months it needs to find a new home. I can't make a real living with a house full of blocks. Clutter for me is a wall. It's defense pure and simple. I wanted my room to be a disaster zone so I wouldn't need to invite anyone into it. A friend said, put love into your space and love will want to hang out there. Very true. I look at my room right now, my desk is cluttered but my room is organized and tidy for the first time in my life. I cannot believe I lived any other way before!
What I'm finding now that I'm changing these old bad habits is my mind is full of clutter and it's screaming. It will not shut up. Blah blah blah. So i pray to be relieved of this. To be addicted is to be enslaved. I was a slave to my possessions. No longer. I am a slave to my mind and yet have a solution though whatever noise my mind puts out doesn't actually dictate my actions. So it's okay. I've learned to say no to clutter. I'm learning to say no to cluttered opportunities as well. I don't take gigs any longer that don't serve the greater good, don't pay, don't help. No more Wednesday nights at crap bars with 17 bands no one wants to hear. Self respect runs the show. I've learned to let threadbare clothes go, threadbare relationships and threadbare thoughts go. This takes daily practice.
Corners are where clutter still shows up. It feels like those dark areas of my mind or like that dark area of the park where all the distressed people gather in that weird communal fuck the world way. I spent 2 hours shining a light on those corners in my room yesterday. Shine a light and the darkness can't hang out there. That's just science. For my mind? I just need to sit and watch it. See how those threadbare survival patterns behave and say "hey, thanks for helping me out but I will not act on your 36 year old distress!"
I'm starting to see the truth. How I do anything is how I do everything. I hate that sentence. But if I can make my bed everyday, I can make my mind as well. If I can clean the sink thoroughly, I can do anything thoroughly. It's true. If I can learn to like that sentence, I can be superman. I like being able to fly.
JB
It took me 2 years to move out of that house and shop. Just the task of ridding myself of the stuff on Ebay, the Goodwill or throwing stuff away took that long. And most of it was little things but also for some reason I always had at least 5 tenor saxophones at a time as well.
When I moved from Portland it took me 2 days to pack my van.
When I moved from Los Angeles 9 months later it took me 2 1/2 hours to pack my van.
Clutter was my way of being right. I could sit in jealousy of my friends who had a few possessions and travelled while I was weighed down by my stuff. How messed up is that?
This week I may have let go of my last piece of clutter though I may sell my tube tester as well. Why the hell not? I won't be getting back into the amp fixing business ever again, why is this still around?
I'm pretty strict about it these days. What I have is what I actually use. If it sits around for a 6 months it needs to find a new home. I can't make a real living with a house full of blocks. Clutter for me is a wall. It's defense pure and simple. I wanted my room to be a disaster zone so I wouldn't need to invite anyone into it. A friend said, put love into your space and love will want to hang out there. Very true. I look at my room right now, my desk is cluttered but my room is organized and tidy for the first time in my life. I cannot believe I lived any other way before!
What I'm finding now that I'm changing these old bad habits is my mind is full of clutter and it's screaming. It will not shut up. Blah blah blah. So i pray to be relieved of this. To be addicted is to be enslaved. I was a slave to my possessions. No longer. I am a slave to my mind and yet have a solution though whatever noise my mind puts out doesn't actually dictate my actions. So it's okay. I've learned to say no to clutter. I'm learning to say no to cluttered opportunities as well. I don't take gigs any longer that don't serve the greater good, don't pay, don't help. No more Wednesday nights at crap bars with 17 bands no one wants to hear. Self respect runs the show. I've learned to let threadbare clothes go, threadbare relationships and threadbare thoughts go. This takes daily practice.
Corners are where clutter still shows up. It feels like those dark areas of my mind or like that dark area of the park where all the distressed people gather in that weird communal fuck the world way. I spent 2 hours shining a light on those corners in my room yesterday. Shine a light and the darkness can't hang out there. That's just science. For my mind? I just need to sit and watch it. See how those threadbare survival patterns behave and say "hey, thanks for helping me out but I will not act on your 36 year old distress!"
I'm starting to see the truth. How I do anything is how I do everything. I hate that sentence. But if I can make my bed everyday, I can make my mind as well. If I can clean the sink thoroughly, I can do anything thoroughly. It's true. If I can learn to like that sentence, I can be superman. I like being able to fly.
JB
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