Wednesday, November 5, 2014

We lost?

  Yesterday was election day. I did what I usually do on election day: work, try to eat well, then work some more on music and finish the night off with a good pulp movie. Last nights Netflix feature was about a girls reformatory school in 1950 with some people running it who believed in punishment only and one dude who was a shrink who believed in rewarding people for good behavior and compassion for the one suffering in her force fed patterns. Good prevailed: 2 of the "worst" girls stood up for the rest and refused to be beaten down, they told the truth to the state. Then evil by some miracle of 1950 America was out of a job. Good flick. I enjoyed it. I'd love to see more endings like this in real life. We all need compassion and a break.

  I woke up this morning to see that the Republicans made some major gains. The mood on Facebook seems a bit grim. I can't own a television, that will be the death of me as a recovering news junky, so I get my news through social media.

  You know, of course they won. Our people have no patience. It's a pendulum right? Our president didn't fix our massive problems in 6 years so we the people have spoken. In 6 more years amnesia will rule again and we'll speak again and vote the elephant out again (poor elephant! Why don't they choose a chicken or something else as a mascot, ooh, a mosquito!!!)

  I've lived just long enough to see this pattern again and again but rather than preach about useless politics, I'll just share some of this life.

  For me, the last president I liked was Clinton. 8 years of economic prosperity yadda yadda. He had a positive vibe. I liked that he was upbeat. Me? In those days I was negative central. "$40,000 for that house? That's absurd! Stupid people!!!" Oh I was good at raining on my own parade and raining on other peoples parade then too. I watched the news like a cult follower watches Ernest Angely or one of those creeps. I got off on all the suffering in the world. That was my topic of conversation: people suck, life sucks, all these bands suck, stupidity and greed rule the world.... And this was the Clinton years. The good times! I was young and had a lot of good going on I could not appreciate.

  Then Bush was elected. Then 9/11. Then Iraq. I watched my boss turn more right wing, fearful of gay people, fearful of Muslims, fearful of change, fearful of....me. And I became more righteous. I had a person to blame. I could be angry at him. We fought about Iraq. He listened to Rush Limbaugh on the job and turned off our customers. He grew depressed and so did I. We grew apart. He lost sight as to why we are selling guitars. "What's the point? The world is going to hell." There is no point, that may be the beauty of it all. There is no point so just contribute to someone elses happiness. If they buy a stupid guitar and don't beat their kids as a result of having a little non substance related relief, we have done good in this world. That's what I told him.

  The Bush was elected for the 2nd time. I spent that election night watching a Yoko Ono film of naked asses as they were walking. Very meditative. Butt cheeks swooshing from side to side. Better than watching Kerry get molly washed. Next day was awful. Some pock faced Christian right kids came into the shop and started singing really hateful Jesus songs (no joke) and they smiled at me as they did this. I felt afraid. They were gloating. They were psycho. I had no tools in place to deal with making a proper boundary in those days, but I did have a .45 behind the counter I didn't know how to use. One old man told me years ago just flash it. It's all about the front.... I considered it and they left anyway. Got bored I suppose. I didn't choose to argue or engage them in any way.

  But something was changing in these negative times. A year later I opened my own business and decided to explore prosperity. A year into that I went cold turkey on my news watching and after the harsh withdrawal, I realized I needed to work on my own problems. Bush would be over and something else would happen.

  In 2008 I was on tour with the Evolutionary Jass Band here on the east coast. We weren't bringing our A Game on this tour and part of that was playing way outside of comfortable Portland. The rest? The economy was about to collapse....Then it did. We didn't see the news but we were headed from rural Massachusetts to NYC when you could feel the vibe at the highway rest area. People were mega depressed.

  I drove back across the country with my dear sax player and we freaked out about it together. I bought several instruments at antique stores that I sold later to pay for the gas. Read that again. I took the action to pay for the gas across this huge country. Hmm. In positive times I could be so negative. In negative times I needed to be positive. So I started to learn how to do that. Pain is a great motivator, but I'm learning that joy is an even motivator greater now.

  When I returned to my little shop (Leighton Audio) things were grim. I went from nor being able to see my windows cause I had too much work to wondering if I was going to make my $300 rent. About 9 months went by of me staring at the walls and thinking about how bad things are. I started looking at the news again to affirm my negative mind. This lasted till about my birthday in July 2009. Then I thought about closing, not serving the public any longer and getting a job. I had one business card left.

  Light bulb moment. Yes the economy is a mess, yes Bush was a twat and his henchmen were evil, but the problem is me. I'm feeling sorry for myself. Nobody can fix this but me. I went to Kinkos and xeroxed that card onto cardstock, cut them up and put them in stores. I put ads on Craigslist for free and I went back to regular hours. I changed my habits. Easy to do when there is a dangerous snake in the room. I did what I had to do.....

  It took 48 hours before I had all new customers. I was too busy till the day I decided to move on. It only took a simple action and a positive outlook. It only took some self care and to be reminded that life is about serving another which is the same as serving oneself. I couldn't let Portland down, there were still amps to be fixed and fans to be entertained.

  At the end of the day it's all about being decent to one another. Don't play the politics game. It's rigged to be divisive. The banks that rule this country love a negative population. We make poor choices when we are pissed off, depressed and blaming one another for our pain. We overspend, fall into debt and the occupy some stupid street screaming at someone we will never meet and whom we will never change. We lose if we stoop so low. Do we really want to give them this sweet victory? I don't. Start by loving thy neighbor and treating each other with respect. We do this and the 2 party system will simply lose its power. It has to. Go do what you love and work hard at it. If we want to change this monstrously boring system, we need to change what is inside of us. I'm not perfect, I'm not close to being there yet. But I know this: I woke up in a bummer vibe this morning too and I have no one to blame but myself for that. It's my own self pity. I could let that get magnified by the bummer vibe I may encounter as I leave my apartment, but I choose not to eat that. So I took good care of myself and I feel better. Now I'll go out and take care of another.

  I love how this works....

JB

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