Stuff. Stuff, stuff.... More stuff. I want I want I want! I need I need!
I wake up in the morning and get about 10 seconds of post dream bliss before all the stuff I want to buy enters my head and disturbs the peace. Then it's the bills I need to pay and the stuff I need to do to get more stuff. Strat body, mouthpiece, sax neck, other mouthpiece, medical bill, mouthpiece!!
This is what addiction looks and feels like. Every day. More more more. Living in a capitalist way.
No, I don't actually blame capitalism. I don't really need to be on the B train (Blame Train) since that does me no good at all. I live here and am powerless over much of this world, but I do have choices.
What does this mean to me? I have all I actually need. I've manifested great stuff. Before I started to become aware of the tyranny of stuff and my compliance I'd find the dent in the Rolls Royce and obsess over that, this horn will make me sound more like Trane etc. Ebay, the ultimate pusherman. The ultimate weapon of mass distraction.
Yeah, okay, it's true. We live in a society of compare and despair, hence the knee jerk Coltrane comment. I don't actually want to sound like anyone but my best self but my mind always compares and freaks out. Little peace, a fragile daily truce is all I can do most days.
So what does all this stuff mean? I mean, the desire for more stuff? I've determined in my heart it's the simple fear of intimacy. Not allowing myself to get intimate with even my own stuff or process let alone with people. You never get close if you are always changing your stuff up and always seeking more. Intimacy, there maybe is no seeking. It's maybe more just about accepting and being. I like that.
So no, I don't have an antidote yet but I figured this out. I can sit for ever looking at stuff to buy. Now I look at places I want to go instead. Barcelona, Berlin, Oaxaca. I brought a lot of great items to my life, now I only crave experiences, richer relationships, richer music. It is possible to take the focus off the distraction and put it on something else. More gigs, more records, more friends. Attention is like the sun. What you focus it on grows. I've grown the possession part of my life, now to grow the profession part. And I like the sound of that!
Peace, JB
I wake up in the morning and get about 10 seconds of post dream bliss before all the stuff I want to buy enters my head and disturbs the peace. Then it's the bills I need to pay and the stuff I need to do to get more stuff. Strat body, mouthpiece, sax neck, other mouthpiece, medical bill, mouthpiece!!
This is what addiction looks and feels like. Every day. More more more. Living in a capitalist way.
No, I don't actually blame capitalism. I don't really need to be on the B train (Blame Train) since that does me no good at all. I live here and am powerless over much of this world, but I do have choices.
What does this mean to me? I have all I actually need. I've manifested great stuff. Before I started to become aware of the tyranny of stuff and my compliance I'd find the dent in the Rolls Royce and obsess over that, this horn will make me sound more like Trane etc. Ebay, the ultimate pusherman. The ultimate weapon of mass distraction.
Yeah, okay, it's true. We live in a society of compare and despair, hence the knee jerk Coltrane comment. I don't actually want to sound like anyone but my best self but my mind always compares and freaks out. Little peace, a fragile daily truce is all I can do most days.
So what does all this stuff mean? I mean, the desire for more stuff? I've determined in my heart it's the simple fear of intimacy. Not allowing myself to get intimate with even my own stuff or process let alone with people. You never get close if you are always changing your stuff up and always seeking more. Intimacy, there maybe is no seeking. It's maybe more just about accepting and being. I like that.
So no, I don't have an antidote yet but I figured this out. I can sit for ever looking at stuff to buy. Now I look at places I want to go instead. Barcelona, Berlin, Oaxaca. I brought a lot of great items to my life, now I only crave experiences, richer relationships, richer music. It is possible to take the focus off the distraction and put it on something else. More gigs, more records, more friends. Attention is like the sun. What you focus it on grows. I've grown the possession part of my life, now to grow the profession part. And I like the sound of that!
Peace, JB
No comments:
Post a Comment