I Had an annoying evening. I got myself in a situation that really triggered some harsh feelings and now that I have the space to really process those feelings I realize I wish I could have simply said "Ah, HELL NO!" and moved one quickly. I don't know what stops me from speaking my mind in such moments, perhaps I still have this need to please everyone and "not be a bummer". My gut tells me that's a waste of precious time, and my gut never lies.
Yesterday I was working my usual sunday shift at the guitar store. I had a customer, a tall and handsome man and his 2 lovely sons and he was looking for a DVD that featured guitar scales. Now, I haven't given such material much thought since the 80's when I practiced 8-12 hours a day learning as much as I could absorb and building the foundation for my future house. So I was fumbling about trying to find something that may work for him when I came across one called "The Guitar Grimore" or some medieval sounding Gandolf shit like that. I handed it to him, he looked at the front carefully then flipped it over. He says "Huh? What's all this minor looking shit? I don't like this! AH, HELL NO!". I took it back from him and looked at the back cover and saw what he was talking about. A picture of a sacrificial Altar with some smoke and these red neon looking pentagrams and a hand making that cheesy heavy metal devil symbol pointing to some music staff paper, the kind of crap I thought was groovy in my teenage D&D Black Sabbath days. I said to him "man, I usually don't apologize for much but, I'm really, really sorry! This ain't my vibe either!" I found another DVD made by Fender that just had a guy playing a Telecaster on it. That worked.
What inspired me about this interaction? I loved that guys response, swift and no bullshit. He could care less what I thought, he just wasn't into it and felt free to express his feelings. Life is too short and precious for jive. And whether if I agreed with him or not, the point is to not waste time and energy. Freedom lies in allowing your delights and irritations guide you on this temporary journey. When I'm walking alone in a city and I avoid what my body says is dangerous, and walk to places that fascinate, I feel truly free. When I'm improvising and I turn down a boring road that I've worn out, it irritates me, so I move towards a place that delights. I'm free to make that choice and it happens in the moment. I know this is available to me at all times and would like to figure out how to get rid of the filter. When I did finally speak my mind tonight I was met with respect. I almost always am in irritating situations. So from this moment on, I am committed to practicing the filter bypass. I am committed to the moment. This, like learning an instrument or how to drive, will take practice. It's a good thing I love to practice! Time to practice saying "Ah, HELL NO!" when I need to and "Fuck YES!" when the love screams at me to move towards the awesomeness!!!
xojb!!!!!!!!!
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