I left my guitar store job in July with no real plan, just the faith that something would work out for me. Not an intelligent choice if my choice was fueled with fear, NYC with no safety net, but alas, I've been working on my faith for a while now and decided it was time to take that leap.
I had little money in my checking and enough for one months expenses here. At the same time I was also moving. Yeah, the rattle snake was in the room on my birthday and I couldn't afford one bad decision.
2 days after I left my job it was my birthday, and the following day I landed a gig through a dear friend with 3 Fingers Painting company. I've painted with my mom before but this is one of the finest companies in the city. I wanted to learn a new skill. This couldn't have come my way in a more perfect time! Gratitude city here!
I also substitute teach at NY School of Rock. I want MORE of this work as I love teaching. I show up when ever I'm needed and am available. I'm hungry for more teaching gigs.
So we were painting this beautiful house in the West Village one day, (I'm doing masking and prep, not allowed to paint as of yet!) we took our lunch and by the end of that break I had this insatiable craving for a chocolate macaroon. I figure there has to be a coffee shop within walking distance that would be able to satisfy my craving. I had my ginger beer and was all dolled up in my painting clothes when I turned the corner on this magnificent day and this cat with a big camera comes walking up.
"Hi, I have a website called Humans of New York and is it okay if I take your picture and ask you a few questions?" "Sure!" (I do like publicity and humor. He looked like a happy cat so why not?).
Here is the result: https://www.facebook.com/humansofnewyork/photos/a.102107073196735.4429.102099916530784/735004729906963/?type=1&theater
His first question: "So what is your greatest struggle right now?"
I was in a great mood, and I lied. My greatest struggle was finding a Macaroon in the West Village but instead I told him "I don't really have any struggles". Which on a good day actually is true. He seemed kinda alarmed. "What do you mean by that?" I told the truth: "I gave up struggling, I didn't see the point in it any longer". We had a nice dialogue about surrender, vision, and moving forward with life. He asked what I'm doing now and I talked about music, teaching and painting houses. He asked what I used to do before I came here. Part of the dialogue was about changing lanes. I was a repair man for 20 years, tube amplifiers and I hit bottom when I could not manage the amount of work I had. I was miserable. My guitar playing went from something I was really proud of to playing the E chord really loud 2765 times a day to hear if an amp is working properly. I felt really depressed, I had set out to be a musician and became a good technician and now is the time to live the dream. I must have said something about being 'one of the best tube amp techs in the country' during this dialogue. Yes, at one point I had such a demand partly because I have a good ear and I listened to my customers needs. Oh, that would be on a good day. I'm human. There is pride then there is arrogance. I've slipped to the bad side before and it never worked out. I learned how to have 200+ happy customers a year. I am proud of that fact. Plus I got to run my own business, proud of that too.
But...I don't do this anymore with the exception of working for a few friends here and there when I need the dough. I don't care to do this for a living at all any longer, I just want to play, produce, compose and teach music for the rest of my life. Huffing lead acid fumes and playing Marshalls at 11? Man, my ears ring. Tinnitus for a decade now. I like the work but decided to change lanes.
Here's where it gets tricky: You are in 1 lane for 20+ years, you want to go to another and in between is the distraction of pure survival. I need money. That simple. Plenty of easy distracting money around.
So when I heard about this picture being chosen I was really excited to see it since our dialogue felt really connected and fun. I was mortified when I saw the chosen quote. Then I was hurt and angry. I should know better than talking to the press!
I've learned something in this time. I have no steady job but I'm still earning roughly the same per month as I did at the guitar shop. Energetically I may be telling myself I'm only worth this amount. And I'm mostly earning from a tech gig here or there and doing things I'm still not all that stoked about. I realized, well, I did this tube amp thing 8 hours a day for 20 years. Of course my confidence comes across. I can mumble 'hey um, I can fix that' and in no time flat be under a pile of broken guitars and amps. I can scream 'I teach guitar!!!! I produce music!!! I have a great band!!!' and the response is cricketland. That doesn't mean I'm not good at it. The people I have helped expressed nothing but love for the lessons and music. And I know I can lay it down on guitar and am easy to work with. I know I can help a musician sound better by suggestion. But there's this lack of confidence in there. It's deep down. This little voice lying to me daily saying I don't deserve the good things in life.
That's where the work needs to be done. That kid inside me there needs to be listened to and allowed to be heard and heal. And I'm up for the work. What else am I going to do? I only have one real fear and that is turning 65 one day and looking back at a pile of potential (isn't that an awful word?) that I refused to realize.
And I will never, ever give up until I'm called back home.
So back to the Humans of New York bit. I didn't look at it till tonight. Didn't read the comments. I was frankly scared to. I saw some comments from friends that were defensive as in "Jef's a great guy, piss off haters!!!" I appreciate those comments but you know, I don't need defending. I know my limits. I know such a comment as "I'm one of the best" will be viewed as arrogant by many and they will gladly share whatever opinion they have of me throughout the safety of a laptop, wireless, satellite, fiber optics etc. So tonight when I did read some of it I was really tickled. I'm glad he chose that comment. I'm glad to see much of the dialogue was about being proud of what you do and that there is nothing wrong with that. I'm glad some folks like my smile since I like to smile, and some folks like my forehead, or, fivehead with my receding hairline.
So if my good mood that day allowed such a dialogue and brought a bit of humor into the lives of 70,000+ people, then my job is more than done. Get out there, do what you love and get really good at it, then by all means: TOOT YOUR OWN HORN!!!!
Peace and love, Jef B.
I had little money in my checking and enough for one months expenses here. At the same time I was also moving. Yeah, the rattle snake was in the room on my birthday and I couldn't afford one bad decision.
2 days after I left my job it was my birthday, and the following day I landed a gig through a dear friend with 3 Fingers Painting company. I've painted with my mom before but this is one of the finest companies in the city. I wanted to learn a new skill. This couldn't have come my way in a more perfect time! Gratitude city here!
I also substitute teach at NY School of Rock. I want MORE of this work as I love teaching. I show up when ever I'm needed and am available. I'm hungry for more teaching gigs.
So we were painting this beautiful house in the West Village one day, (I'm doing masking and prep, not allowed to paint as of yet!) we took our lunch and by the end of that break I had this insatiable craving for a chocolate macaroon. I figure there has to be a coffee shop within walking distance that would be able to satisfy my craving. I had my ginger beer and was all dolled up in my painting clothes when I turned the corner on this magnificent day and this cat with a big camera comes walking up.
"Hi, I have a website called Humans of New York and is it okay if I take your picture and ask you a few questions?" "Sure!" (I do like publicity and humor. He looked like a happy cat so why not?).
Here is the result: https://www.facebook.com/humansofnewyork/photos/a.102107073196735.4429.102099916530784/735004729906963/?type=1&theater
His first question: "So what is your greatest struggle right now?"
I was in a great mood, and I lied. My greatest struggle was finding a Macaroon in the West Village but instead I told him "I don't really have any struggles". Which on a good day actually is true. He seemed kinda alarmed. "What do you mean by that?" I told the truth: "I gave up struggling, I didn't see the point in it any longer". We had a nice dialogue about surrender, vision, and moving forward with life. He asked what I'm doing now and I talked about music, teaching and painting houses. He asked what I used to do before I came here. Part of the dialogue was about changing lanes. I was a repair man for 20 years, tube amplifiers and I hit bottom when I could not manage the amount of work I had. I was miserable. My guitar playing went from something I was really proud of to playing the E chord really loud 2765 times a day to hear if an amp is working properly. I felt really depressed, I had set out to be a musician and became a good technician and now is the time to live the dream. I must have said something about being 'one of the best tube amp techs in the country' during this dialogue. Yes, at one point I had such a demand partly because I have a good ear and I listened to my customers needs. Oh, that would be on a good day. I'm human. There is pride then there is arrogance. I've slipped to the bad side before and it never worked out. I learned how to have 200+ happy customers a year. I am proud of that fact. Plus I got to run my own business, proud of that too.
But...I don't do this anymore with the exception of working for a few friends here and there when I need the dough. I don't care to do this for a living at all any longer, I just want to play, produce, compose and teach music for the rest of my life. Huffing lead acid fumes and playing Marshalls at 11? Man, my ears ring. Tinnitus for a decade now. I like the work but decided to change lanes.
Here's where it gets tricky: You are in 1 lane for 20+ years, you want to go to another and in between is the distraction of pure survival. I need money. That simple. Plenty of easy distracting money around.
So when I heard about this picture being chosen I was really excited to see it since our dialogue felt really connected and fun. I was mortified when I saw the chosen quote. Then I was hurt and angry. I should know better than talking to the press!
I've learned something in this time. I have no steady job but I'm still earning roughly the same per month as I did at the guitar shop. Energetically I may be telling myself I'm only worth this amount. And I'm mostly earning from a tech gig here or there and doing things I'm still not all that stoked about. I realized, well, I did this tube amp thing 8 hours a day for 20 years. Of course my confidence comes across. I can mumble 'hey um, I can fix that' and in no time flat be under a pile of broken guitars and amps. I can scream 'I teach guitar!!!! I produce music!!! I have a great band!!!' and the response is cricketland. That doesn't mean I'm not good at it. The people I have helped expressed nothing but love for the lessons and music. And I know I can lay it down on guitar and am easy to work with. I know I can help a musician sound better by suggestion. But there's this lack of confidence in there. It's deep down. This little voice lying to me daily saying I don't deserve the good things in life.
That's where the work needs to be done. That kid inside me there needs to be listened to and allowed to be heard and heal. And I'm up for the work. What else am I going to do? I only have one real fear and that is turning 65 one day and looking back at a pile of potential (isn't that an awful word?) that I refused to realize.
And I will never, ever give up until I'm called back home.
So back to the Humans of New York bit. I didn't look at it till tonight. Didn't read the comments. I was frankly scared to. I saw some comments from friends that were defensive as in "Jef's a great guy, piss off haters!!!" I appreciate those comments but you know, I don't need defending. I know my limits. I know such a comment as "I'm one of the best" will be viewed as arrogant by many and they will gladly share whatever opinion they have of me throughout the safety of a laptop, wireless, satellite, fiber optics etc. So tonight when I did read some of it I was really tickled. I'm glad he chose that comment. I'm glad to see much of the dialogue was about being proud of what you do and that there is nothing wrong with that. I'm glad some folks like my smile since I like to smile, and some folks like my forehead, or, fivehead with my receding hairline.
So if my good mood that day allowed such a dialogue and brought a bit of humor into the lives of 70,000+ people, then my job is more than done. Get out there, do what you love and get really good at it, then by all means: TOOT YOUR OWN HORN!!!!
Peace and love, Jef B.
