I have many demons it turns out. Today I have yet another urge to shop or practice my horn to placate them.
I don't wish to practice my instrument to placate these feelings. That's the worst. Maybe that's what killed Coltrane. I want my relationship to music to be something that rest on love, not dependency. I don't want to play music, have sex, shop, drink, take a pill, take a bath, watch television, go to the movies, get a therapist, smoke pot or do anything to push these ancient demons back inside. I'm committed to having all of my relationships be they musical, romantic, financial to be rich as can be and filled with nothing but love, including my relationships with my demons. I do not seek to slay them but to love them and release them.
What am I afraid of? People will think I'm nuts? Hurting my friends and family with my feelings? Do I really care what people think? I need people, but I don't need people that don't listen or don't try to understand. I don't need people that are upholding the 4th commandment for the sake of preserving ancient destructive tribal ideas. So to those who know me, I may seem a little unstable these coming weeks. But try to understand, if any of us is committed to letting old demons go in the name of their own biological and very natural preservation, and if you seem crazy for doing so, find support. That's what I'll be doing. If I seem nuts it's only cause I'm being 100% honest for once in my life. If I seem nuts you're seeing my authentic self. My body is rebelling, and I no longer have the strength to uphold the lies this culture has done such a great job of keeping the illusion of safety and security. To be a well adjusted citizen in a sick society is sickness and itself. We all to help one another. We shall overcome if we really want to. Today I take responsibility for my word, my self, my body, my being.
Love, JB
I don't wish to practice my instrument to placate these feelings. That's the worst. Maybe that's what killed Coltrane. I want my relationship to music to be something that rest on love, not dependency. I don't want to play music, have sex, shop, drink, take a pill, take a bath, watch television, go to the movies, get a therapist, smoke pot or do anything to push these ancient demons back inside. I'm committed to having all of my relationships be they musical, romantic, financial to be rich as can be and filled with nothing but love, including my relationships with my demons. I do not seek to slay them but to love them and release them.
What am I afraid of? People will think I'm nuts? Hurting my friends and family with my feelings? Do I really care what people think? I need people, but I don't need people that don't listen or don't try to understand. I don't need people that are upholding the 4th commandment for the sake of preserving ancient destructive tribal ideas. So to those who know me, I may seem a little unstable these coming weeks. But try to understand, if any of us is committed to letting old demons go in the name of their own biological and very natural preservation, and if you seem crazy for doing so, find support. That's what I'll be doing. If I seem nuts it's only cause I'm being 100% honest for once in my life. If I seem nuts you're seeing my authentic self. My body is rebelling, and I no longer have the strength to uphold the lies this culture has done such a great job of keeping the illusion of safety and security. To be a well adjusted citizen in a sick society is sickness and itself. We all to help one another. We shall overcome if we really want to. Today I take responsibility for my word, my self, my body, my being.
Love, JB
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