I'm a blessed man. I'm blessed to have a very sensitive body that has not enabled me to become a substance abuser. I've tried. I once really tried hard to become an alcoholic. Spitting blood and a visit from my guardian angel outside a the Mex-Econo night club in Nags Head North Carolina at the ripe old age of 24 set that straight. Live or die? Hmmmm. I'm still here and really glad about that choice. I tried cigarettes, nope. They didn't like me too much. Pot? Too unpredictable. I used to like that good ol' high school cheap Mexican ditch weed, the kind you roll a joint and eat chips and watch a movie while laughing with your friends. Now, like much of our culture, that's gone extreme too. "Here's some brickhead Aurora Borealis comatose bud they'll give you the best unwelcome out of body experience! HOW ABOUT IT???" No, not so fun. Fucking macho hippies ruining a good time plant. Hallucinogens? Those aren't for habits, and I haven't done those in years yet, right now I'm in the middle of a bad acid trip. How did I get here? How did I get so fucked up today?????
Hello my name is Jef Brown and I am a coffee addict. I am powerless over my addiction and I need a higher power to get clean. And no, not a high power, a higher as in higher frequency power!
Seriously. It didn't happen overnight. I used to hardly touch the stuff. It wasn't till my 9th year living in Portland (it's against the law there not to use the stuff!) that I started using with my dear roommate. She and I would hit the Fresh Pot or the Albina Press on Mississippi Avenue every morning. Then I started going by myself. After about 3 years I was spending anywhere from $200-$300 a month there. That's a big chunk of my salary. I was no longer enjoying it, just maintaining and making appearances, indulging my hipster status. There were times when I would get clean, then I'd fall back. Today I fell off the wagon.
It's 4:45 in the morning and in 3 hours I have to get up and move my van, try to catch some more sleep then help my new boss move some records. I need the dough and I'm happy to be of service. But, I can't sleep at all! At 6pm I made a terrible mistake. I was on my way to a meeting and was feeling sluggish so I stopped into Verb on Bedford Avenue and got a shot of espresso and a Croissant. That was over 10 hours ago. During my meeting I was having an out of body experience and I still haven't come home! The last time I felt like this was doing acid at the Bread and Puppet festival in Vermont the year Jerry died. I just wanted it to end so I could sleep. I felt a high level of resentment to the neo hippies and their macho drum circles going on all night but really felt that resentment inwards for taking this stupid drug. Yeah, that's how I feel right now! A shitty flashback! And this is just a cup of coffee!!!!!! Is it me or do the same people who cultivate weed roast the coffee now? Or maybe it's my just my blessing. It's time to admit total defeat and give up the crack water!
Amen. Good morning. JB
